Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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