She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
