I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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