Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
