dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
