It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
