toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
