he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
