How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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