Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize