If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
