a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he was CRYING into my vagina
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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