shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
