3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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