I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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