he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
