oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
