my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
