I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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