I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
