Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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