That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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