Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
