You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I smell like Dick and happiness
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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