Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
