Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
