dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
