I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
