i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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