I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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