Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
