I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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