i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You may now shotgun with the bride
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
