Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
