my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You took a bar mat shot.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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