I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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