Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
