man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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