Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
