I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
