how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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