eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I can feel your judgement through the phone
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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