You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
