I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
