I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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