dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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