So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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