Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
