And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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