'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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